this is the second time.
now i realise. no matter how hard i try, i can never get over it or you. i want so badly for you to be in my life right now, or for me to be in yours. i miss you so bad, i'd do anything for you to be mine again.
why did i dream of her? everytime i dream of me, you and her, i wake up wondering. was she the reason? or did we not handle it right?

who will there be in my life like you now?
i love you so much.

i woke up feeling so sad.
i've never felt so sad ever since you went away. i'm so sad, the tears threaten to fall but i am not going to cry.
crying is for babies, for girls with broken hearts.
i am none of those.

our relationship then might be pathetic but i still want it back.
i don't even know what to make of our relationship now.
do you still feel the same way? i want you to know, i do, i very very much do.
everytime i meet you, i try to pretend nothing is wrong. i pretend i've gotten over it. well, i have not. not one bit. but i pretend to. bcos if i don't, i become very vulnerable in front of you. and it's painful.

i've spent so long trying not to think about you. i don't know why all these has to come rushing back to me now. D: this flood of memories.

it was a dream.
people often say dreams are the opposite of reality. i wonder.
i really hope it is true.
because i love you very very much.

[edit]

i think maybe i will give you the link to here so you'll know how i feel. but if i do, i am going to have to delete this blog after you've read it.
and i'm not ready to give this up, not yet.

when things like that happen,
i can't talk to anyone. because nobody really understands.

and i have a feeling this will go on for my entire life.

dang. i'm so pms-y and it's making me all girly and needy.
hello where are you. please call me back soon because you promised to.

p.s. don't probe. thanks.

[edit/]